My little sweet-pea,
I read a quote on Facebook the other day that went something like: "Labour is the only blind date where you know you will meet the love of your life." It's been two months since we met, my littlest love, and already I'm beginning to forget how tiny you were when we did. It catches me off-guard, when I look at photos from a few short weeks ago and see how much you've grown. You are deliciously round now and weigh in a little over 10 lbs. You are stronger and longer and spend much more time looking around and watching what is going in your world.
Your temperament continued to challenge me this month, little man. For much of it you refused to be content if I put you down - not when you're awake, not when you're asleep. Since you're still in your fourth trimester and I understand your need to be close to Mummy, I've carried and cuddled you nearly 24-7. It's felt claustraphobic sometimes, and I've gone to bed many nights with every muscle aching... not from exertion - just purely from tension... the tension of holding you, bouncing you, jostling you in pursuit of keeping your cries at bay in the evening. I'm mostly successful. This is a good thing, because when I'm not successful, it's tough on all of us.
But on the other hand, you sleep well in your car seat when we're out and about, and naps together are lovely, as you're happy to sleep for hours as long as you and I are cuddled up. And you sleep so well at night, tucked in next to me, that I can deal with pretty much anything you throw at me during the day. Please don't give that up, little one.
Things are getting better though. In the past week you've started your days content to watch the merry chase of getting your sister ready for nursery from the comfort of your swing or your playmat. You've become engaged and engaging when alert. You love it when Mummy sings to you, beaming a great big grin at me and you're a sociable little thing, with a ready smile for any and all who say hello.
Those moments when it's just you and me, and I can relax into the space where we are right now - this mandate to cuddle you - it's sublime. I look at your peaceful sleeping face or your wide-eyed nursing gaze. I hear the soft whisper of your breath. I breathe in your lovely baby smell. I feel the warmth of your compact little curves pressed to my chest, and I'm wistful for these moments before they've even gone. Because I know, I know, that each one is fleeting and slips through my grasp like mercury, bright and shining and impossible to capture and keep.
I love you with all my heart,