I've got a secret. (Settle down; I'm not pregnant.) It's not actually my secret but it has huge ramifications for me. This secret is going to set in motion a series of events that will change my life. The change is going to be hard work - there is so much to do. My mind is spinning, trying to fit all the puzzle pieces together. Planning the what and when is consuming me. I feel like I've become one-dimensional, unfocused, incapable of having a conversation if it doesn't move me one step closer to the goal. This is frustrating because: 1) I can't be open with most people because the catalyst for change is a great big SECRET; and 2) I'm worried about boring/frustrating the one person I can discuss this with (did I mention this is consuming me?).
When I need to, I'm actually quite good at keeping a secret. Once, a coworker who was fired admitted to me the real reason why and then asked me to keep her secret. I played completely dumb every time someone came up to me with the salacious piece of gossip saying, "Did you hear why X was fired?" Clearly she also chose to confide in someone else who was not so discreet.
If someone asks me to keep a confidence, I wouldn't knowingly betray it. Right now, though, I'm second guessing everything I say, afraid I'll let slip the secret that isn't mine to tell. This secret is such a huge part of my inner monologue that I might not even realize that one innocent line of thought voiced out loud could open up a series of questions that I can't answer honestly or come up with a plausible cover for until it is too late.
So I walk around with a proverbial hand clamped over my mouth, anxious and reticent, wishing I could hide away until all of this is out in the open.
* * *
So tell me, are you good at keeping a secret? Do you have anything you want to confess here? I could use the distraction, and my site even allows anonymous comments. ;-)